it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
