Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
