I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
