forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
