Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
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