Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize