oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
