So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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