let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
