Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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