I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
