Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
