This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
