Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
