Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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