You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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