White coat. Heels.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
