Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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