I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
