38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a search helicopter?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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