Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
