How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
