and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
