Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
