You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
