last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
