Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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