I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
