It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I met the friendliest cop last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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