I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
