When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
