i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's shark week go big or go home
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
