Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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