My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
