Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
