I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
