with your own penis?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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