just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
