So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
