You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
