Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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