Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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