i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im part way to drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
