Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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