woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
