Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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