ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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