i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
