you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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