You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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