pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
