he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize