I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
