I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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