did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
