it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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