She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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