She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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