God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
