we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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