Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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