I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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