We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
