Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
