I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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