I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im part way to drunk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
