And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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