How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
