maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize