after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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