i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
